I was so certain I was going to die cold and alone and starving. I was so certain that city was going to be the end of me, and I would never escape it. Not ever. I was just so certain.
I was doomed.
Short on rent, no food in my fridge, and scraping together all my spare change so I could simply get to work. I thought maybe, just maybe if I just got through this month. and then the one after that I would be fine, that I could be happy again. I would take a deep breath, and keep moving. I mean, if everyone else could do it, why couldn't I? Not everything is for everyone, and it would take a few months too long for me to fully realize this. Luckily, for me, it took a very short Christmas-trip home to my parents to throw everything into a painful perspective. Within four days of returning to my (tiny and windowless) apartment I had everything packed up. I left without looking back.
After just a few days of returning to my hometown in WNY, I had an awesome job, I had my studio going in full swing, there was food in the fridge for me to eat, I was surrounded by people who loved me- and I even started a relationship with this pretty swell guy. And now. when I think back on it all I can ask myself is "Why didn't I do this before?" I was so ready to over the summer. and again early in the fall. I thought then that those were my darkest days, and it just had to get better. So I ignored the string attached to my heart tugging me in the direction of home, and closed my ears to the quiet beckoning.
It's now I realize that sometimes. no matter how much we want good days to be abundant in our lives again- they won't happen until we give in- and let them.
Love and Strawberry Kisses,
Darling xo
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